How to Talk About Birth Control with Your Spouse

You want to do the right thing. You want your marriage to be centered on Christ. But when it comes to talking about birth control, things get awkward—fast.

Maybe you’ve both avoided the topic because it feels too personal or emotionally loaded. Maybe you’ve argued about it, or maybe you each just assume you’re on the same page—without ever really checking.

For Christian couples, birth control isn’t just a medical or financial decision. It’s a deeply spiritual one. How we think about children, control, responsibility, and God’s design for family all get tangled up in this conversation. And yet, many couples never fully talk it through.

So how do you begin this conversation in a way that honors God, strengthens your marriage, and brings peace to your hearts?

This article will help you walk through it—together.

---

🔍 Biblical Foundation: What Does God Say About This?

The Bible doesn’t mention “birth control” directly. But it does speak clearly about God’s design for marriage, sex, children, and the heart posture we’re called to have.

1. Children Are a Blessing from the Lord

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.”
— Psalm 127:3

Scripture consistently speaks of children not as burdens, but as blessings. They are part of God’s good design for marriage (Genesis 1:28). For many Christian couples, that means approaching the topic of birth control with a heart that is open to life—not as an interruption, but as a gift.

2. God Is Sovereign Over the Womb

From Sarah to Hannah to Elizabeth, we see God actively involved in the opening and closing of the womb.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.”
— Psalm 139:13

This doesn’t mean we sit passively and make no decisions. But it does mean our choices should reflect trust in God’s sovereignty—not fear, control, or convenience.

3. Sexual Intimacy Is Sacred and Powerful

“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:3

God designed sex to be both unifying and fruitful. It’s not just about procreation—but it’s also not only for pleasure. This dual purpose should shape how we approach methods of birth control, and whether they align with the heart of God.

4. Our Bodies Are Temples of the Holy Spirit

“You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
— 1 Corinthians 6:19–20

As Christians, our choices about contraception are not just private matters—they’re acts of worship. That means seeking the Lord’s guidance and honoring Him with our physical bodies and decisions.

---

🛠️ Practical Guidance: How to Have the Conversation

Talking about birth control doesn’t need to be scary. But it does need to be intentional, prayerful, and loving. Here’s how to start:

1. Set the Right Tone

• Pray before you talk. Ask God to prepare your heart and your spouse’s.
• Choose a peaceful time when you’re both rested and not stressed.
• Approach the conversation with humility—not as a demand, but as a discussion.

2. Be Honest About Your Thoughts and Feelings

• What are your hopes or fears about having children (or more children)?
• What has shaped your view of birth control—upbringing, church teaching, medical concerns?
• How do you feel God is leading you in this area?

3. Explore the Options—Together

Talk about various birth control methods in light of your shared faith:

• Are there methods you both feel uncomfortable with morally (e.g., abortifacients)?
• Are there natural methods that appeal to you?
• What role do you want medicine or technology to play in your family planning?

Use resources from trustworthy Christian sources and, if needed, speak with a Christian doctor or pastor.

4. Consider Your Current Season

• Are you newly married and discerning when to start a family?
• Are you already parents feeling overwhelmed or stretched?
• Are there health, financial, or emotional factors to consider?

God sees all of these. They’re not disqualifiers—they’re part of your story.

5. Make a Plan, But Stay Open

After talking and praying, come to an agreement that feels faithful and loving. But hold it with open hands. God may lead you differently in the future.

---

🪞 Heart Work: Dealing with the Deeper Struggles

Birth control decisions can stir up deep emotions. Here’s what to watch for in your heart:

Fear

• “What if we can’t afford another child?”
• “What if something goes wrong?”

“Do not be anxious about anything… but in everything by prayer and supplication… let your requests be made known to God.”
— Philippians 4:6

Bring your fear to God. Let Him meet you in your weakness.

Control

• “I want to plan exactly when and how many kids we have.”
• “I need to know our future is secure.”

Ask: Am I trying to be God in this decision?

Shame or Guilt

Maybe you’ve used methods in the past that you now question. Maybe there’s regret over past choices.

Remember: the gospel offers grace and new beginnings. There is no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1). You’re free to walk forward in obedience from today.

Disagreement

If you and your spouse strongly disagree, don’t panic. Use it as an opportunity to grow in unity. Seek wise counsel. Fast and pray. Stay committed to love, even in difference.

---

🌱 Encouragement: You’re Not Alone in This

Thousands of Christian couples wrestle with these questions. It doesn’t make you weak—it makes you thoughtful.

And you’re not navigating this alone.

The Holy Spirit is your counselor. He gives wisdom (James 1:5), peace (John 14:27), and clarity when you seek Him with an open heart.

You are also surrounded by the body of Christ. Talk to mentors. Ask older married couples how they’ve walked this path. You’ll find stories of faith, surprise blessings, and God’s faithfulness.

And remember—no matter what method you use or how many kids you have, your identity is not found in your fertility. It’s found in Christ.

---

📣 Walk Forward in Faith

Birth control isn’t just a physical or financial decision—it’s a spiritual one.
But that doesn’t mean it has to be overwhelming or divisive. With prayer, Scripture, honest conversation, and love, you and your spouse can walk this road with confidence and unity.

God cares deeply about your marriage, your family, and your future.

So take the next step:

• Set aside time to talk openly.
• Pray together about your future.
• Ask God to align your hearts to His will.

And if you need words to begin, here’s a prayer you can share:

“Lord, You are the author of life and the designer of our marriage. We want to honor You in every area, including how we think about children and birth control. Give us wisdom, unity, and peace. Lead us by Your Spirit. Help us to trust You more than our plans. And remind us that Your grace is enough for every season. Amen.”

---

Questions for Reflection or Journaling:

• What fears or assumptions do I carry about birth control and family planning?
• How can I invite God into this part of my marriage?
• What does it look like for us to honor God in this decision—together?