How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurt Me Deeply?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting — it means choosing freedom over bondage.
They said it.
They did it.
And it cut deep.
You replay the moment like a movie you didn’t choose to watch. Maybe it was a betrayal from someone you trusted — a friend, a parent, a spouse, or even a fellow believer. Maybe the pain lingers not just in your memory, but in your daily life, reshaping how you trust, how you love, and even how you pray.
You know Jesus says to forgive. You’ve read the verses. You’ve heard the sermons. But honestly? It feels impossible. Maybe unfair. Like letting them off the hook.
And yet, the bitterness you carry doesn’t make you feel stronger — it makes you feel stuck. You want to obey God. You want peace. But how do you forgive someone who hurt you this deeply?
The good news? You don’t have to fake it. And you don’t have to do it alone. Forgiveness is not about pretending you’re okay — it’s about allowing Jesus to heal what they broke. Let’s walk through how to do that.
🔍 Biblical Foundation: What Does God Say About This?
God’s Call to Forgiveness Is Clear — and Costly
Jesus didn’t mince words about forgiveness:
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
— Matthew 6:14–15 (ESV)
That’s a sobering command. But Jesus never calls us to something He hasn’t modeled Himself. Hanging on the cross, He prayed:
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
— Luke 23:34 (ESV)
Forgiveness is at the very heart of the gospel. God forgave us completely, not because we deserved it, but because Jesus paid the price.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
The call to forgive isn’t just a rule — it’s an invitation to reflect the grace we’ve received. We forgive because we are forgiven.
Forgiveness in the Lives of God’s People
Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, and left for dead. Yet when he had power to punish them, he said:
“You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.”
— Genesis 50:20 (ESV)
Stephen, the first Christian martyr, echoed Jesus’ words as he was being stoned:
“Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”
— Acts 7:60 (ESV)
These weren’t people who had it easy. They were wounded — and they forgave anyway. Not because it was easy, but because they trusted God with their pain.
🛠️ Practical Guidance: How to Live It Out
So how do you forgive someone who hurt you deeply? Here’s a Spirit-led path:
1. Acknowledge the Pain Honestly
- Forgiveness isn’t denial. You were hurt.
- Name the offense. Journal it. Pray about it.
- Let yourself grieve what was lost — trust, innocence, time, safety, etc.
2. Bring It to God First
- Before confronting the person (if needed), go to the Father.
- Tell Him everything. He’s not shocked or impatient.
- Ask Him to show you His heart for the situation — and for the offender.
3. Choose Forgiveness as an Act of Obedience
- Forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s a decision.
- Say aloud: “Lord, I choose to forgive [Name] for [Offense], even if it still hurts.”
- You may need to do this daily at first.
4. Trust God with Justice
- Forgiving doesn’t mean excusing sin or abandoning justice.
- It means handing judgment over to God, who says:
“Vengeance is mine, I will repay.” — Romans 12:19 (ESV)
- You’re not saying it was okay. You’re saying God will handle it.
5. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You
- This may feel impossible — but it’s powerful.
- Start small: “God, I give [Name] to You. Help me release this.”
- Over time, pray for their healing, salvation, or repentance.
6. Set Wise Boundaries if Needed
- Forgiveness does not mean automatic trust or reconciliation.
- Boundaries may be necessary — especially if the person is unrepentant or unsafe.
- Ask God for wisdom and courage to protect your heart well.
7. Repeat the Process as Needed
- Deep wounds may require ongoing forgiveness.
- That’s okay. You’re not failing — you’re healing.
🪞 Heart Work: What’s Holding You Back?
Forgiveness isn’t just a matter of the will — it’s a heart issue. Ask yourself:
- What am I afraid will happen if I forgive?
Will they “get away with it”? Will I lose power? - Am I finding identity in my pain?
Has this wound become part of how I define myself? - Am I trying to make them pay — or protect myself?
There’s a difference between justice and revenge.
Let God search your heart. He’s not here to shame you — but to set you free.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
True forgiveness flows from a heart that knows how much it’s been forgiven. You’re not being asked to give something you haven’t received.
🌱 Encouragement: You’re Not Alone in This
You’re not the only one wrestling with forgiveness. Many believers carry invisible scars — but also testimonies of God’s healing.
Corrie ten Boom, a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp, once encountered one of the guards who had hurt her sister. He asked for her forgiveness. She froze. She couldn’t do it.
But she silently prayed: “Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.”
As she extended her hand, she felt a wave of God’s love. She later said, “Forgiveness is not an emotion… Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”
You may not feel strong enough. That’s okay. You don’t have to do it alone.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
— 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
📣 Walk Forward in Faith
Forgiveness is not a one-time event — it’s a daily surrender to the grace of God.
Letting go of bitterness doesn’t erase the past, but it frees your heart for the future. It opens the door for peace, healing, and even joy. Jesus never asks you to minimize your pain — but He does offer to carry it with you.
So what will you do today?
Will you bring the wound into the light?
Will you open your hands and say, “God, I choose to forgive — help my heart catch up”?
You are not weak for struggling. But you will grow strong by trusting. Even here.
🙏 A Prayer for Forgiveness
Lord Jesus,
You know how deeply I’ve been hurt. You saw it all.
I bring this pain to You. I don’t want to carry it anymore.
I choose to forgive [Name] for [Offense], not because they deserve it,
but because You forgave me.
Heal what’s broken in me.
Teach me to love as You love.
I trust You with justice — and I receive Your peace.
In Your name, amen.
📝 Questions for Reflection
- What offense or person do you need to bring before God today?
- What emotions rise up when you think about forgiving them?
- Have you asked Jesus to help you forgive with His strength?
- Are there any false beliefs about forgiveness you need to surrender?
- What boundaries might be necessary as you walk in forgiveness?