How Do I Love People Who Are Hard to Love?
Loving difficult people isn’t easy — but it’s one of the clearest ways we reflect Christ.
Let’s be honest — some people are just hard to love.
Maybe it’s the coworker who constantly criticizes you.
Or the family member who never says thank you, no matter how much you give.
Or the friend who betrayed your trust and still acts like nothing happened.
You’ve tried to be kind. You’ve prayed for patience. But deep down, resentment simmers. The idea of “loving your enemies” feels unrealistic — even impossible.
And yet, Jesus’ command still stands:
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44, ESV).
So what does it really mean to love someone who gets under your skin, breaks your heart, or refuses to change? How do we live out Christ’s love toward people we naturally want to avoid?
In this article, we’ll walk through the biblical foundation, practical steps, and heart transformation needed to love difficult people — not by our strength, but through the power of Christ in us.
🔍 Biblical Foundation: What Does God Say About This?
1. Love Is the Mark of a True Disciple
Jesus said plainly:
“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35, ESV).
Not by how much Bible we know.
Not by how “right” we are.
But by how we love.
That includes loving people who don’t reciprocate, don’t appreciate, and don’t deserve it — just like Jesus loved us.
2. God Loved Us When We Were Hard to Love
Romans 5:8 says:
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
We weren’t lovable. We were rebellious, selfish, broken. Yet He loved us first.
And now, we’re called to extend that same grace to others — not because they earn it, but because Christ has loved us.
3. Love Is a Fruit of the Spirit
Galatians 5:22–23 reminds us that true love isn’t manufactured by human willpower:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…”
Loving hard people requires the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit. It’s not about trying harder — it’s about abiding in Christ and letting His Spirit bear fruit through us.
4. Love Is a Choice, Not a Feeling
The Bible’s definition of love isn’t rooted in emotion — it’s rooted in action and sacrifice:
“Love is patient and kind… it is not irritable or resentful… it bears all things… endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).
This kind of love costs something. It doesn’t come naturally. But it’s exactly the kind of love God pours into our hearts so we can pour it out to others.
🛠️ Practical Guidance: How to Love the Difficult People in Your Life
Let’s get specific. How can you love someone who keeps hurting you, draining you, or pushing you away? Here are some steps to live this out daily:
1. Start with Prayer — Real, Honest Prayer
Before you try to change how you treat them, bring your heart to God.
- Tell Him the truth. “Lord, I don’t want to love this person. I feel bitter, hurt, exhausted.”
- Ask for His help. “Give me Your love. Soften my heart. Change my attitude.”
- Pray for them. Jesus told us to pray for those who hurt us — not just for our sake, but for theirs.
Over time, prayer transforms both the person you’re praying for and the heart that’s praying.
2. Set Boundaries Without Bitterness
Loving someone doesn’t mean being a doormat.
In fact, healthy boundaries are often an expression of godly love.
- Jesus walked away from hostile crowds (John 10:39).
- Paul warned against enabling destructive behavior in the church (2 Thessalonians 3:14–15).
Love means seeking their best — and sometimes, their best includes consequences or space. But do it with grace, not revenge.
3. Choose One Loving Action at a Time
Don’t try to “feel” your way into love. Choose action:
- Send a kind message.
- Offer a listening ear.
- Refuse to speak badly about them.
- Forgive a past wound (even silently).
- Serve them in a small, tangible way.
Jesus washed Judas’ feet knowing Judas would betray Him. That’s real love — not affection, but obedience.
4. Remember: You’re Not Their Savior
You’re called to love, not to fix.
You may never change their behavior, attitude, or heart. That’s not your job.
But you can obey God in how you respond, how you forgive, how you speak, and how you trust Him to work in their life — in His timing.
🪞 Heart Work: What’s Going on Inside You?
Loving difficult people reveals our own hearts more than theirs.
It exposes:
- Our pride (“They don’t deserve kindness.”)
- Our need for control (“I’ll love them if they change.”)
- Our fear of rejection or pain (“If I get close, I’ll get hurt again.”)
Ask yourself:
- Am I seeking to protect myself more than to honor Christ?
- Do I believe God’s love for me is enough — even if others never return it?
- What lie am I believing about love, justice, or forgiveness?
Let the gospel remind you:
“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
You don’t love from an empty tank — you love from a full one.
Let God’s love fill you until it overflows into the lives of others — even the hard ones.
🌱 Encouragement: You’re Not Alone in This
You’re not the first to struggle with this.
Moses had to love a complaining, stubborn people.
David had to love Saul while dodging his spears.
Jesus loved Peter after betrayal — and Judas despite it.
Loving hard people hurts. But it also shapes us to be more like Jesus.
And you’re not alone. The Holy Spirit empowers you with patience, compassion, and wisdom beyond your own. The church walks this road with you. And Jesus — the One who loves perfectly — walks beside you every step.
📣 Walk Forward in Faith
Loving hard people is not about what they deserve — it’s about who Jesus is.
He is kind to the ungrateful (Luke 6:35).
He forgives while bleeding (Luke 23:34).
He invites sinners to His table (Matthew 9:10–13).
So today, don’t wait for your heart to feel it. Let your love be a choice, a prayer, a small act of obedience — and watch what God does.
A Prayer to Begin
“Father, You have loved me even when I was hard to love.
Help me love this person not with my strength, but with Yours.
Guard my heart from bitterness.
Give me wisdom to act in truth and grace.
And make me more like Jesus, who loves perfectly. Amen.”
Journaling Questions
- Who is the “hard to love” person in my life right now?
- What am I believing about them — or about God — that makes love difficult?
- What’s one loving action I can take this week?